Felt so down after coming back today.

Perhaps it's cuz i nearly got into an accident twice just now in town.. sigh.. left my car in reverse mode when i stopped my car at the carpark exit barrier and i nearly banged the car behind.. how blur can i get! Later, some stupid taxi driver swerved into my lane at a turn and huahui had to grab hold of my steering wheel in the nick of time. Ugh. Super shook me up.

Perhaps it's going out with him again. It started off great...then after the movie.. things just got awkward and quiet.. maybe he was tired. I dunno.. i was perfectly ok in the beginning, excited bout meeting an old friend and trying to relieve those own times when we used to be such close buddies. It was harder than i thought.. so much harder. The times when he fell silent.. i had to constantly stop myself from thinking he's feeling sian or awkward.. that he's just tired.. I just get so affected by him still.

Half a year ago, we were so convinced we were gonna be the best of friends even if we can't be together anymore. I believed it then with all my heart, because we were both so sure about it.. because i didn't wanna let our friendship be erased together with the memories of the love we had for each other before. Yet somehow, i'm starting to believe it's a myth that couples can become friends after breaking up.
I don't think i love him anymore, but i do care for him still as a friend and sensing him feeling uncomfy around me is just killing me inside.

Sometimes, once we make a decision in life, certain things change forever. Dear God, can you don't let this be one of them please?