A Time to Rave and A Time to Rant...
I'll be brutally honest here. I've been going through the past month feeling like life's kinda meaningless. Every day is supposed to bring a new beginning, but I'm not entirely happy. I start thinking myself into crazy mindsets... like maybe how life only has meaning when you have a stable job and earning your own cash... how money really makes the world go round and I might as well settle for a high paying job that I may not like... And then I feel pissed because it belittles what I believe life truely should be about. Isn't it such an irony sometimes, that deep down, we know exactly the right response to each situation that we face, but somehow we cannot make it work for ourselves? That absurdly, we still feel so defeated when we have all the answers in our own hands?
Why can't I be content with where I am now? No jobs to tie me down, yet money is trickling in from my parents and from tuition. I'm pretty free yet not so free 'cuz of so many varied commitments. And it frustrates me. Like hell. And to top it off, I start to obssess myself with happy and carefree facades, to make my life busier so that I have no time to think. No time to sit down, and to reflect, and to realise that I'm sad when I have all the reasons to be happy.
I found out my favourite hamster is sick today. She's bleeding from her anus, and she looks so frail and bony. It was old age. The guilt set in.. I've not been paying my pets much attention. The grief sets in... I couldn't stand seeing suffering 'cuz it rips me apart from inside. The loss sets in... I'm slowly losing the final physical link that hwee and I shared.
Through the veil of pain that gripped me at that moment, I sensed Him. It was a wake-up call from God. Time to stop mopping and letting myself go down this well of self-imposed despair without putting up some fight. I'm not going to let myself get jaded. Life may sux sometimes. But I choose to embrace the joy it also brings, I choose to wait for the promises that God has made even if I may not see it now.
I choose to run thus; not with uncertainty. I fight, not as one who beats the air. But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified. (1 Corinthians 9:26-27)
I'll be brutally honest here. I've been going through the past month feeling like life's kinda meaningless. Every day is supposed to bring a new beginning, but I'm not entirely happy. I start thinking myself into crazy mindsets... like maybe how life only has meaning when you have a stable job and earning your own cash... how money really makes the world go round and I might as well settle for a high paying job that I may not like... And then I feel pissed because it belittles what I believe life truely should be about. Isn't it such an irony sometimes, that deep down, we know exactly the right response to each situation that we face, but somehow we cannot make it work for ourselves? That absurdly, we still feel so defeated when we have all the answers in our own hands?
Why can't I be content with where I am now? No jobs to tie me down, yet money is trickling in from my parents and from tuition. I'm pretty free yet not so free 'cuz of so many varied commitments. And it frustrates me. Like hell. And to top it off, I start to obssess myself with happy and carefree facades, to make my life busier so that I have no time to think. No time to sit down, and to reflect, and to realise that I'm sad when I have all the reasons to be happy.
I found out my favourite hamster is sick today. She's bleeding from her anus, and she looks so frail and bony. It was old age. The guilt set in.. I've not been paying my pets much attention. The grief sets in... I couldn't stand seeing suffering 'cuz it rips me apart from inside. The loss sets in... I'm slowly losing the final physical link that hwee and I shared.
Through the veil of pain that gripped me at that moment, I sensed Him. It was a wake-up call from God. Time to stop mopping and letting myself go down this well of self-imposed despair without putting up some fight. I'm not going to let myself get jaded. Life may sux sometimes. But I choose to embrace the joy it also brings, I choose to wait for the promises that God has made even if I may not see it now.
I choose to run thus; not with uncertainty. I fight, not as one who beats the air. But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified. (1 Corinthians 9:26-27)
5 Comments:
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hey ange... i guess it's easy to feel that way when everyone else has a 'stable' job etc... but hey man... luxuriate in the freedom!!! I recommend reading lots of books when you have the time... Books are great friends! =)Still haven't lent you 'The Twins' Trilogy yet!!!
Psalm 42:11
:)
hi girl, just something to share tt i read few days ago. God's promises and His providence do not lift us up from the world of common sense and everyday trials, for it is through these very things that our faith is perfected. And it is in this world that God loves to interweave the golden threads of His love with the twists and turns of our common, everyday experiences, from the Hard Places in the Way of Faith.
"Thou hast enlarged me when i was in distress" psalms 4:1
lots of struggling and reflection, but hang on k? BIG BIG HUGS =]
eve
It's funny how some things are better said on blogs, then in real person.
Somehow while I know you are struggling with getting over somebody, I never really gotten down to talking about it with you.
Just take all the time you need to recover and pick up the pieces. I know it's easier said than done, but don't fret too much. =)
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