Spent the night having a reunion dinner at Baker's Inn with some of my oldest buddies from NY. Hee.. had such a good time catching up on the lives of one another. I guess we're all going through different phases in our lives, but no matter what, I'll be there for you, beetroot-juice peeps (who came up with this awful name again?!!). You gals will always have a special place in my heart. =) ~promise~.
- - - - -@_@ - - - - -
I had a really harrowing experience diving at Kusu Island today. Carrying a hefty bunch of corals with my tank low on air, I surfaced before my buddies. To find NO BOAT in sight. I think the boatman was sleeping and didn't notice little ol' me waving frantically in the water. With huge waves crashing down on me, my arms leadened with tiredness, I did the most stupid thing ever. I headed for the breakwater. And I ended up getting stranded there. The waves battered at me even more furiously as I clambered onto the rocks and held on with all my might, fearing that I'll be smashed against the rocks any moment I slacken my grip. Never have I felt so helpless.. and fragile. Clutching to the slippery rocks, being pounded upon incessantly by the mounting swell, I sobbed like a baby. Gripped by the fear of losing my life. And for the death of a dream I've treasured so long in my heart.
I realised there and then, that I was not cut out to be a marine biologist. Passion is one thing. But I do not have the tenacity and toughness for it. I get seasick, I can't swim that well, and I can't stand diving in murky water anymore. At least not in Singapore. Walking into the dive-store at marine bio lab (NUS) sometimes and smelling the stale sea-water scent - it stirs a nausating feeling in me. That's how bad it has become. Today's events only served to remind me of the months I endured during my sea urchin project. Countless dives were marked by my battle against nausea, surges and strong currents that made me feel like I was in a washing machine, extreme weariness as I struggled with carrying heavy angle irons and wire meshes in and out of the water. Too many times i've felt like giving up. Too many times I've asked myself: is it all worth it?
Don't get me mistaken, I did love what I was doing. Catching cute sea urchins with tongs and a basket, watching their intriguing behavior in the tanks... =)
I almost feel ashamed to admit it, because it seems like I'm running away from my dreams at the first sight of hardship. But I guess that's part of growing up. When we start chasing our dreams, and discover more of whom we are and our limits in the process, we start to refine what really suits us in life.
I guess I'm disappointed in myself. Yet in a funny way, I'm relieved God has closed a door for me.
And when He closes one, He faithfully opens another.
- - - - -@_@ - - - - -
I had a really harrowing experience diving at Kusu Island today. Carrying a hefty bunch of corals with my tank low on air, I surfaced before my buddies. To find NO BOAT in sight. I think the boatman was sleeping and didn't notice little ol' me waving frantically in the water. With huge waves crashing down on me, my arms leadened with tiredness, I did the most stupid thing ever. I headed for the breakwater. And I ended up getting stranded there. The waves battered at me even more furiously as I clambered onto the rocks and held on with all my might, fearing that I'll be smashed against the rocks any moment I slacken my grip. Never have I felt so helpless.. and fragile. Clutching to the slippery rocks, being pounded upon incessantly by the mounting swell, I sobbed like a baby. Gripped by the fear of losing my life. And for the death of a dream I've treasured so long in my heart.
I realised there and then, that I was not cut out to be a marine biologist. Passion is one thing. But I do not have the tenacity and toughness for it. I get seasick, I can't swim that well, and I can't stand diving in murky water anymore. At least not in Singapore. Walking into the dive-store at marine bio lab (NUS) sometimes and smelling the stale sea-water scent - it stirs a nausating feeling in me. That's how bad it has become. Today's events only served to remind me of the months I endured during my sea urchin project. Countless dives were marked by my battle against nausea, surges and strong currents that made me feel like I was in a washing machine, extreme weariness as I struggled with carrying heavy angle irons and wire meshes in and out of the water. Too many times i've felt like giving up. Too many times I've asked myself: is it all worth it?
Don't get me mistaken, I did love what I was doing. Catching cute sea urchins with tongs and a basket, watching their intriguing behavior in the tanks... =)
I almost feel ashamed to admit it, because it seems like I'm running away from my dreams at the first sight of hardship. But I guess that's part of growing up. When we start chasing our dreams, and discover more of whom we are and our limits in the process, we start to refine what really suits us in life.
I guess I'm disappointed in myself. Yet in a funny way, I'm relieved God has closed a door for me.
And when He closes one, He faithfully opens another.
2 Comments:
my dearest baby
i guess i have stopped blogging. I guess i am occupied with my new life here. I guess u have been facing new battles which i may not comprehend anymore. Non the less, just so that u know, i am always an email away, a call away.
havn't read ur blog for some time..how's u gal? ;) anyway i dunno if motion sickness pills would help for u, but it does for me when i'm canoeing..i get seasick damn easily too.. take care yea ;)
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